Warrior Ancient and Medieval Rules

[Greg Regets]

I think it is time for the men of the Southwest Region of the NASAMW, to bring
in some professional help on this issue. I post this here, with hope against
hope that some sort of solution can be found to the benefit of all, especially
Big Dave.

**********

AP: FEBRUARY 2, 2003

We have been running a contest in our area, as of late. The contest is called;

Help Pick An Army For My Buddy Big Dave!

The basic gist of the contest is this;

Big Dave has had lots of armies in the many years he has been playing.
They all sucked.

He played Japanese … they sucked.

He played Tibetans … they sucked.

He even played some Huckelberry and Clark army that nobody ever heard of … they
sucked too.

Everyone that knows Big Dave, knows he is the nicest guy you would ever want to
meet, as well as a pretty darn good flag football player (for an old fart).
Nobody else in the group can make elephant and camel noises as well as Big
Dave, and always remember, Big Dave discovered the secret to beating John
Green, that being making ambulance noises while passing gas.

In short, it is time to pitch in, band together and pick Big Dave a winner!

Contest Rules
1. The winning army must be taken from the new Warrior approved army list books.
2. A sample army list must be provided.
3. Reasons must be given as to why the army is a winner.
4. Army will be selected by the “Committee To Select An Army for Dave” a non-
partisan, non-profit organization for the betterment of play by Dave.
5. Employees of “Help Pick An Army For My Buddy Big Dave, are not eligible. An
employee list follows;

Dave

**********

AP: CONTEST UPDATE – February 28, 2003 - The following armies were considered
and rejected.

Arab Conquest
Pro: Unpainted figure of Saddam Hussein is available.
Con: Figures smell like camels.

Early Byzantine
Pro: Has a solid mixture of high moral troops.
Con: Does not have the proper Dave mix of 99.9999999999 infantry, to
0.00000000001% Cavalry.

Seleucid
Pro: You get a little of everything.
Con: Dave keeps stabbing himself on the pikes.

Papal Italian
Pro: Solid knights - steady reliable foot.
Con: Army currently under indictment for sex offenses in seven states.

Gaul's
Pro: Dave has quite a few rep's with this army.
Con: Must paint approximately 265 penises.

Feudal Polish
Pro: A highly colorful, fanciful army with solid troops.
Con: A Polish army played by an Aggie? Yeah right!!!

Tartar
Pro: Large scouting point total with any list
Con: Dave doesn't care for fish (work with me on this one)

Seljuk Turk
Pro: Solid group of Irregular A cavalry.
Con: Aggressive nature of the army will lead to Dave being bent over a table
WAAAAAY too often for any of our tastes.

Paleologian Byzantine
Pro: Lots of stuff nobody can spell.
Con: Dave can't spell any of it either.

**********

AP: CONTEST UPDATE – March 1, 2003 – Submitted by Harlan Garrett, SW Region
Coordinator (or uncoordinator as the case may be).

Amazonian
Pro: Lots of Irregular A infantry
Con: They fight like a girl (but so does Dave)

**********

AP: CONTEST UPDATE – March 12, 2003

Early Byzantine (resubmitted)
Pro: A historically good army with lots of flavor
Con: Was run by an 80 year old eunuch

Lombard
Pro: Lots of punch, with good cavalry and solid foot
Con: Dave keeps thinking he is winning the Super Bowl

New Kingdom Egyptian
Pro: Wildly exotic historical sources available
Con: Dave looks almost exactly like the Sphynx

Merovingian Franks
Pro: Has lots of French
Con: Has lots of French

**********

FUTURE UPDATES TO COME - Please help out with this just
cause!

[Don Coon]

You forgot my Scots army for Dave

Pros: Lots of foot which Dave loves
Cons: Lots of sheep which...

Don

[Greg Regets]

That was great Scott! As the author of the contest, please feel free to post it
wherever you see fit. Since Big Dave read it laughed so hard he spit his coffee
all over his office, I'm sure he will not find it bothersome to see it in print.

On to the topic of the day ... dreaded Moogs! We, the clinically insane
Sophomoric few here in San Antonio, have taken to calling these armies "Moogie
Knights" (put to Boogie Nights music) in order to lessen their fearsome
reputation. I have now played three battles with my Mg-Kn army, and must say
that we sold you completely short in our criticism of this power troop. What we
didn't know, was that while they might be Irregular B, and have a dreadful
combination of weapons, and shields they didn't historically have (maybe) ...
all they ever roll is down three or down four. I kidd you not, I have set up
some of the best kills with them, targets you would lick your chops over, and
the silly SOB's just roll down, down, down!

Scott, I'm in awe! I knew the FHE was good, but I had no idea how far that
power extended. ~wink~ Even my @$%#ing dice listen to you!!!!!

Take care ... and glad you liked the contest!

Greg

[scott holder]

I have two armies to enter in this contest. Also, much of the following has
tongue firmly planted in cheek so if anything remotely "insulting" to Big Dave
(or others) is merely an attempt to get into the spirit of things. Remember BD,
we're laughing with ya, not at ya:):)

Army #1, Catalan Company

1E CinC as EHK
1E Sub as LC
6E LC JLS, Sh
6E Moogs, 1/2 Sh, (8 units)
6E Catalan CB (2 units)
6E LHI Sailors (2 units).
6E Greek Prisoners (armed with whatever)

Pros: Any army with it's main troop type named after an early rock synthesizer
is cool in and of itself. Opposing players will immediately quake with fear at
the Moog potential and immediately brand you as a sleazeball list guy jumping on
the latest "killer" list bandwagon. The mental games that plays with your
opponent has unquantifyable bonuses in a 4 hour dicking around game,
particularly when the opposing player spend hours trying to avoid the only troop
type in the army he/she will ever actually see. Plus, the next time John Green
shows up with Hellenestic Greeks, BD can whomp on him with an army designed to
cream these guys while also playing other games with John by using BD's psyops
campaign (farting and making ambulance noises).

Having a 1 element sub is the latest hip "trend" in all Warrior games so taking
that will immediately send a message to your opponent that you're not one to
trifle with, you *know* the subtle nuances of this game, and that you're
prepared to move that LC weenie around rallying any of those unshakeable Irr B
troop types so that he can expect a 4 hour grind fest......unless he simply
wants to put the pike out front and let the Moogs wham into them and finish the
game early so you can hit the bar. After all, you're a Moog commander and have
a lot of historical reputation to live up to.

I took the LHI Sailors because, well, sailors always know where the best divey
bars and strip joints are and since this is a Catalan Company list with Moogs
always on the lookout for some booze and "evening entertainment", the Sailors
are a much needed "R&R Scout Force". And, sailors being sailors and having a
certain reputation in some quarters, that seques perfectly into having to have
the Greek Prisoners. Why? Lemme sum it up with a quote from the immortal
Captain Oveur in the movie "Airplane""

"Have you ever been in a >pause< Turkish prison"?

Need I say more.

Cons: After the first 10 minutes of any game, good opponents will know that
Moogs ain't all they're cracked up to be, particularly if you've brought the
usual killer tournament knight army or LIR. And Moogs being who they are, and
teamed with the Sailors, well, that just means they're more than likely nursing
killer hangovers and assorted strains of VD from the previous night's carousing.
That usually translates into massive down rolls on melee rolls during an actual
battle where Moogs are supposed to be mopping up some hapless opponent. It can
also result in those pesky "ones" on waver tests when things like crappy
shieldless Companions and their ilk charge in having no hope of winning the
melee but every hope of seeing a pesky "one" show up on the Moog waver test.

Another con is that 22% of the army is mounted so BD will just have to lump
those clowns in the rear somewhere to fend off the expected flank march(es)
since said opponent will not wanna touch Moogs frontally and figures the camp is
an easy 150 pts. So this might actually be a Pro.

Army #2, Galatians, Huckelberry and Clark List

1E CinC HC
2E Sub HC (two subs)
6 scythe chariots
2E HC (6 units)
rest of army 6E or 8E units of Irr A MI Warriors

Pros: A "fire and forget" list. Point in direction A, roll up 4 a lot, win
game. Most people say "remount them as Gauls". Not I, particularly after
hearing a tactic from Ed Bernhard. Break your Subs, HC and scythes into two
commands and flank march both of them. Leave the CinC and Warriors on the table
with hold orders. Their job is to smoke cigarettes, play cards, shoot dice,
etc., until either of the flank marches comes onto the table. Then it's attack
at warp speed mr sulu. Nothing freaks out the other guy more than seeing 3
scythe chariots on a flank with no intervening LI to waste em. Another pro is
that you don't really hafta paint all the Warriors nekid so that's fewer penises
to paint. A few scattered here and there always works for effect plus it makes
the statement that *you* are content with your own manhood and don't feel the
need to compensate with an army of 180 nekid men swinging their dongs around
while rolling up 6. Those armies are the wargamers equivalent of a mid-life
crisis car (usually a convertible of some sort) and trophy wife. This army is
manly in the extreme. Good? Heh heh, remember, "Inner Peace Through Lowered
Expectations".

Plus, it has loads of built in excuses for why you lost. Remember, in any
tournament ancients game regardless of rules, it's never *your* fault that you
lost. This army has loads of em. With both flank marches, it's "if only my
flank marches arrived" (you wanna see a normally dicking around opponent play
fast? Watch him slaver at the chance to cream your onboard Warriors before half
you army shows up). Of course if your Warriors never roll up (or roll down a
lot), whammo, built in excuse "this army needs to win by rolling up
consistently." And you have the best built-in excuse of all: no expectations.
Since no one thinks you'll ever win with Galatians, when you don't, you're
simply playing to form. And when you do win, man are people ever impressed.
Well, actually they aren't, they just think you got lucky or have loaded dice.

Cons: No expectations, potentially lotsa penises to paint should you go with
the nekid gaul approach (and all the other subliminal messages associated with
it), and, this scenario is a one trick pony. You might cream the first guy you
meet but then he'll immediately alert your next round player about what's going
on. Said player will then lay down brush and/or woods in his flank sectors and
dare you to bring a scythe chariot anywhere but where you die roll tells you to,
even if that area is totally full of terrain said chariot can't go. Then said
opponent will dare you to drop Jon and email asking for a "clarification" on
this. So, you're potentially stuck with a flank march that can't adequately
come onto the board. Or said opponent will purchase 4 woods and put everything
he has in there, dismounted knights, elephants, camp, you name it, and thumb his
note at you for approximately 3.56 hours. This has the disadvantage of allowing
you tons of flank march rolls so chances are, at least one will show up. And
do? Heh heh, but at least you don't lose that way:) Said opponent might
even just charge his entire army across the table hoping to overwhelm all your
Warriors while the flank marches get lost enroute. Ah, but then we get back
into the wonderful excuses part. And so on and so on.

I'd love to submit the original email on this subject to spearpoint, it's really
worth sharing.

scott

[Patrick Byrne]

> From: "Holder, Scott" <Scott.Holder@...>
> Reply-To: WarriorRules@yahoogroups.com
> Date: Mon, 17 Mar 2003 12:20:34 -0600
> To: <WarriorRules@yahoogroups.com>
> Subject: RE: [WarriorRules] CONTEST!
>
> I'd love to submit the original email on this subject to spearpoint, it's
> really worth sharing.
>
> scott


Heck, Just put the contest IN spearpoint and have people reply by signing up
on the WarriorRules group list. This could be a great recruiting method
with Big Dave getting 'recruiter of the year' award.... an army!

-PB

[Kelly Wilkinson]

This is Hilarious!!! LOL! !!!!
"Holder, Scott" <Scott.Holder@...> wrote:I have two armies to enter in
this contest. Also, much of the following has tongue firmly planted in cheek so
if anything remotely "insulting" to Big Dave (or others) is merely an attempt to
get into the spirit of things. Remember BD, we're laughing with ya, not at
ya:):)

Army #1, Catalan Company

1E CinC as EHK
1E Sub as LC
6E LC JLS, Sh
6E Moogs, 1/2 Sh, (8 units)
6E Catalan CB (2 units)
6E LHI Sailors (2 units).
6E Greek Prisoners (armed with whatever)

Pros: Any army with it's main troop type named after an early rock synthesizer
is cool in and of itself. Opposing players will immediately quake with fear at
the Moog potential and immediately brand you as a sleazeball list guy jumping on
the latest "killer" list bandwagon. The mental games that plays with your
opponent has unquantifyable bonuses in a 4 hour dicking around game,
particularly when the opposing player spend hours trying to avoid the only troop
type in the army he/she will ever actually see. Plus, the next time John Green
shows up with Hellenestic Greeks, BD can whomp on him with an army designed to
cream these guys while also playing other games with John by using BD's psyops
campaign (farting and making ambulance noises).

Having a 1 element sub is the latest hip "trend" in all Warrior games so taking
that will immediately send a message to your opponent that you're not one to
trifle with, you *know* the subtle nuances of this game, and that you're
prepared to move that LC weenie around rallying any of those unshakeable Irr B
troop types so that he can expect a 4 hour grind fest......unless he simply
wants to put the pike out front and let the Moogs wham into them and finish the
game early so you can hit the bar. After all, you're a Moog commander and have
a lot of historical reputation to live up to.

I took the LHI Sailors because, well, sailors always know where the best divey
bars and strip joints are and since this is a Catalan Company list with Moogs
always on the lookout for some booze and "evening entertainment", the Sailors
are a much needed "R&R Scout Force". And, sailors being sailors and having a
certain reputation in some quarters, that seques perfectly into having to have
the Greek Prisoners. Why? Lemme sum it up with a quote from the immortal
Captain Oveur in the movie "Airplane""

"Have you ever been in a >pause< Turkish prison"?

Need I say more.

Cons: After the first 10 minutes of any game, good opponents will know that
Moogs ain't all they're cracked up to be, particularly if you've brought the
usual killer tournament knight army or LIR. And Moogs being who they are, and
teamed with the Sailors, well, that just means they're more than likely nursing
killer hangovers and assorted strains of VD from the previous night's carousing.
That usually translates into massive down rolls on melee rolls during an actual
battle where Moogs are supposed to be mopping up some hapless opponent. It can
also result in those pesky "ones" on waver tests when things like crappy
shieldless Companions and their ilk charge in having no hope of winning the
melee but every hope of seeing a pesky "one" show up on the Moog waver test.

Another con is that 22% of the army is mounted so BD will just have to lump
those clowns in the rear somewhere to fend off the expected flank march(es)
since said opponent will not wanna touch Moogs frontally and figures the camp is
an easy 150 pts. So this might actually be a Pro.

Army #2, Galatians, Huckelberry and Clark List

1E CinC HC
2E Sub HC (two subs)
6 scythe chariots
2E HC (6 units)
rest of army 6E or 8E units of Irr A MI Warriors

Pros: A "fire and forget" list. Point in direction A, roll up 4 a lot, win
game. Most people say "remount them as Gauls". Not I, particularly after
hearing a tactic from Ed Bernhard. Break your Subs, HC and scythes into two
commands and flank march both of them. Leave the CinC and Warriors on the table
with hold orders. Their job is to smoke cigarettes, play cards, shoot dice,
etc., until either of the flank marches comes onto the table. Then it's attack
at warp speed mr sulu. Nothing freaks out the other guy more than seeing 3
scythe chariots on a flank with no intervening LI to waste em. Another pro is
that you don't really hafta paint all the Warriors nekid so that's fewer penises
to paint. A few scattered here and there always works for effect plus it makes
the statement that *you* are content with your own manhood and don't feel the
need to compensate with an army of 180 nekid men swinging their dongs around
while rolling up 6. Those armies are the wargamers equivalent of a mid-life
crisis car (usually a convertible of some sort) and trophy wife. This army is
manly in the extreme. Good? Heh heh, remember, "Inner Peace Through Lowered
Expectations".

Plus, it has loads of built in excuses for why you lost. Remember, in any
tournament ancients game regardless of rules, it's never *your* fault that you
lost. This army has loads of em. With both flank marches, it's "if only my
flank marches arrived" (you wanna see a normally dicking around opponent play
fast? Watch him slaver at the chance to cream your onboard Warriors before half
you army shows up). Of course if your Warriors never roll up (or roll down a
lot), whammo, built in excuse "this army needs to win by rolling up
consistently." And you have the best built-in excuse of all: no expectations.
Since no one thinks you'll ever win with Galatians, when you don't, you're
simply playing to form. And when you do win, man are people ever impressed.
Well, actually they aren't, they just think you got lucky or have loaded dice.

Cons: No expectations, potentially lotsa penises to paint should you go with
the nekid gaul approach (and all the other subliminal messages associated with
it), and, this scenario is a one trick pony. You might cream the first guy you
meet but then he'll immediately alert your next round player about what's going
on. Said player will then lay down brush and/or woods in his flank sectors and
dare you to bring a scythe chariot anywhere but where you die roll tells you to,
even if that area is totally full of terrain said chariot can't go. Then said
opponent will dare you to drop Jon and email asking for a "clarification" on
this. So, you're potentially stuck with a flank march that can't adequately
come onto the board. Or said opponent will purchase 4 woods and put everything
he has in there, dismounted knights, elephants, camp, you name it, and thumb his
note at you for approximately 3.56 hours. This has the disadvantage of allowing
you tons of flank march rolls so chances are, at least one will show up. And
do? Heh heh, but at least you don't lose that way:) Said opponent might
even just charge his entire army across the table hoping to overwhelm all your
Warriors while the flank marches get lost enroute. Ah, but then we get back
into the wonderful excuses part. And so on and so on.

I'd love to submit the original email on this subject to spearpoint, it's really
worth sharing.

scott

Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT

To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
WarriorRules-unsubscribe@egroups.com



Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.



---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Platinum - Watch CBS' NCAA March Madness, live on your desktop!

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]